Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You're like the curious george of whores
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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