before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
