We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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