Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
