I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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