while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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