So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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