I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
