im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
