why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
