I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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