id be glad to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
