Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
