from now on my penis is your penis
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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