yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
