im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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