so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My pussy is not your playground.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
