I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
