is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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