Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
