dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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