Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
