Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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