Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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