Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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