4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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