Your face is a jimmy john
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
