I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
