I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
