Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
