i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
