apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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