I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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