I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
