There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
