just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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