Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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