I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
