but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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