god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
