It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
