i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
