I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
