My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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