I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
