I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
