a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
