She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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