i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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