It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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