Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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