I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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