At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
