I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
