so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
