we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
