just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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