I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
