College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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