I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
