Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
