My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
