holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
