i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
