Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
